My house (the house I bought with the aid of Serendipity) goes on the market this week and I have been feeling it allllll. For many months now.
I finished prepping it for sale back in November and have been searching on the daily for where I will go next ever since.
Nothing has been the right fit.
The search for my next home has not been stressful, but the wait has been. The wondering. The questioning. The sitting in an ocean of grief reflecting on my life as a single parent living in my safe, loving home.
Questioning why I want to leave.
Questioning why I’d want to stay.
The memories remind me.
The stressors. The heartache. The insecurity. The loneliness. The tension. The years of feeling like I was just getting by.
And- the joy. Oh the joy! So much joy and laughter, game nights, shared dinners, deep conversations, long hugs, couch snuggles and the parade of kids in and out of my house for years.
It was a life I built for them- my beautiful children. And now I must learn to build a life for me.
I still don’t know what that looks like and pondering it has been far more scary than I expected.
I just know it’s time for me to leave my house and take a leap of faith that I will land where I’m meant to.
As someone who teaches How to Trust I have found myself in a curious place. I had not realized how much grief makes trusting more challenging.
It just never clicked. But here we are and I am finding myself having to learn new techniques and practices to support me through these big waves of change.
Today, I’m sharing an old favorite- How to Work with Habitual Worry and Fear- and engage our wisdom to help us through it. This trust practice help us return to ourselves and see the ways Serendipity has opened and closed the doors on our gorgeous path of evolution.
The practice asks us to return to the past and see how it served us. I recently wrote a letter to my younger self to remind her how much she grew living in the house I chose for my kids. She faced some incredibly challenging times and strengthened her spirit in remarkable ways, which suggests she is ready for whatever comes next, even when she can’t see it.
If you find yourself stuck in the fear of change, this one is for you….
How to Work with Habitual Worry and Fear
Worry is generated from a fear of the unknown. When we don’t feel in control, and want to do more to influence a situation, we often employ worry as a means of mentally directing how something is going to go. We question “what if” in every angle to feel like we will be prepared. We are always looking for proof that things are going to work out, and try to safeguard ourselves when we fear they won’t.
What is fascinating is we spend an incredible amount of time filling our heads with anticipatory anxiety, and then are pleasantly surprised or completely relieved when whatever we worried about did not come to fruition.
Worry is a habit of thinking. Most of us have been trained to worry from our parents and caregivers from an early age, or we’ve somehow developed this belief that life can’t be trusted. And even worse, our senses and feelings can’t be trusted, because …what if we are wrong??
The truth is that most of the time what we obsess and worry about over almost never comes to fruition. We’re looking for proof of this fact. And luckily, that proof is available. When you turn around in your life and look back at the times you worried and questioned the future; where you made all your predictions of what could go wrong, how often did those fears comes to fruition?
Rarely, if ever.
And even the ones that did, what gain came from them? What positive outcome came from what you believed was going to be life- shatteringly negative? And how much time and sleep did you lose swimming in the fear of what would never come to be, rather than appreciating what is real and valid now in the present moment?
But here’s another truth, when you look back again at those challenging times in your life that were heart wrenching and painful, would you have chosen them if you knew they were going to happen? Maybe or maybe not.
If we knew the painful parts and outcomes of all of the decisions and events in our lives that are meant to help us grow, we could easily choose to avoid all the discomfort that leads us to even more sustainable joy and happiness. However, we would lose the opportunities that taught us our greatest strengths, and allowed us to face even more fears and to become the most courageous version of ourselves.
This is why turning around and looking for proof can be helpful curbing current and future worry. Writing a letter to your younger self to give yourself advice, encouragement, and understanding allows you to see not only how far you’ve come, but how important all those lessons are; the ones we deem positive, as well as the ones we felt have challenged us.
Think of all the time you’ve spent worrying about things that never came to fruition, while holding your breath hoping life would get easier. In truth, no matter how much time you spend worrying, generally everything always works out.
PRACTICE: Write a Letter to Your Younger Self
Write your younger self (5, 10, 20 years younger or even 6 months ago you) a letter. Give yourself all the advice you wish you knew and share all the wonderful things you’ve learned.
Remind yourself that life has a way of supporting you through challenges and giving you what you need, even when it looks different than what you expected.
Encourage younger you (whose fear is often encouraging our current day choices) of your strength and ability to navigate the tough stuff and move forward with more trust in yourself and that which guides your life.
Reflection and Observation
Note how your body feels at the beginning of the exercise and at the end. Do you feel more tension or more relaxed? How did it feel sharing your observations and insights with your younger self? Did you feel more safety in your body as you reflected on the experiences you had and what you learned? Did you feel any hesitation offering advice to the parts of you who still feel worry and angst?
If you felt more tension at the end of the exercise and more questioning, it’s an indicator of how much protection your body is holding on to, which is completely normal and valid based on the level of fear you have experienced in the past.
Building trust is a slow and steady practice that requires consistency and sometimes inch by inch movement. If this practice felt difficult, try again when your body feels more at ease or take slow, relaxed breaths (4 count inhale, 6-8 count exhale) before trying again.
In order to build sustainable trust, our bodies and minds want to be on the same page. The more attention we give to both, the more trust and confidence we can build over time.
For those who would like more trust practices or additional support, paid subscribers are eligible to access all downloadable trust practices in Living with Serendipity’s store for free, as well 20% off energy therapy services with me. Check out my website www.livingwithserendipity.com for more details on trust practices and energy therapy services.